Postpartum Anxiety: Learning to Listen to Your Instincts Without Letting Fear Take Over

All the noise and distraction that anxiety creates can drown out what you know about yourself—- your strengths and good instincts about how to be the mom you want to be.
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When you were anticipating getting pregnant and having a baby, it's likely that you expected yourself to feel happy, excited. Maybe even confident and in charge of the situation. You probably didn't imagine feeling consumed with worry that keeps you up at night, or terrified at moments when certain thoughts cross your mind. Yet this is how many women experience their first months or years of motherhood. Feeling out of control, overwhelmed, and helpless. This kind of anxiety is like a thief, robbing you of the ability to enjoy the time you have with your brand new baby.

Most new moms experience a certain amount of fear and anxiety. However, some women become overwhelmed, preoccupied, and ruled by their fears. According to Postpartum Support International, 6% of pregnant women and 10% of postpartum women develop anxiety- sometimes alone, and sometimes with depression. When anxiety and fear begin to change your behavior and inform your decision making, it can become very hard to trust yourself, and hard to ask for help from people who might be able to support you. Moms with a history of trauma or abuse may be especially vulnerable to anxiety and constant worry about the safety of your own children. Unwanted thoughts, fears of something bad happening or disturbing memories make it difficult to think clearly and make good decisions for yourself and your baby. Relationships can become strained, and sleep deprivation makes everything worse.

All the noise and distraction that anxiety creates can drown out what you know about yourself--- your strengths and good instincts about how to be the mom you want to be. When anxiety takes over, it takes a lot of work to remind yourself of the parts of you that are strong and resilient and to listen to your own voice. If you're struggling with anxiety, here are some things to think about:

Arm yourself With Information About Postpartum Anxiety

If you're struggling with postpartum anxiety, it's important to know that it's not your fault and you didn't cause this to happen. Anxiety is treatable and with help you'll feel better. Getting support to help you manage anxiety is an important step to take. Learning to recognize and cope with your symptoms so that you can get to the root of what's causing your anxiety is a good starting point. Every woman's anxiety is experienced differently, but there are some common symptoms that you can begin to identify for yourself. Some good resources to educate yourself are:

Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts: Breaking The Cycle of Unwanted Thoughts by Karen Kleiman and Amy Wenzel

The Pregnancy & Postpartum Anxiety Workbook by Pamela S. Weigartz and Kevin L. Gyerkoe

Postpartum Support International Website postpartum.net

Carefully Consider Your Expectations of Yourself

One of the most common things women express to me is the belief that they're a bad mom because of how their anxiety is affecting them. Even if you've felt capable, competent, accomplished and in charge in other areas of your life, having a baby can lead to feelings of doubt, overwhelm, even a sense of failure. In Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts(by Karen Kleiman and Amy Wenzel, 2011), the authors write:“The period following the birth of a child is a transitional time that can challenge a woman in profound ways. She is deprived of precious sleep, she is hormonally compromised, and sometimes she is thinking things she cannot believe are crossing her mind. If a new mother experiences thoughts that are uncomfortable to her during a time when her family, friends, and society expect her to feel blissful, she is likely to be overcome by guilt and a crushing sense of failure.”

Learning how to quiet your anxiety and tune into your own instincts about how to be a mom is no easy feat. Moms are bombarded with all kinds of messages about the “right” way to parent, and how you’re supposed to feel about being a mom. There is no shortage of judgment, real and perceived. Becoming a mother changes your sense of who you are, and it's important to allow yourself explore how you're changing, growing—and how you're struggling. You've taken on the role of “mom”, and you may feel like there's no room for you to be anything else right now. It's important to acknowledge aspects of yourself and your life that feel lost or out of reach, and to make room for yourself to feel whatever you feel about how much your life has changed. Your values and beliefs, your hopes and dreams, and your most important life experiences can help you find your way to being the mom you want to be.

Getting Help For Postpartum Anxiety

Postpartum Depression and Anxiety are treatable. Opening up a conversation about how you're feeling can be difficult, but remaining silent or trying keep up the appearance that everything is okay usually just prolongs the problem. The sooner you get help, the more quickly you'll find relief and get back to feeling more like yourself. If you'd like to learn more about how I can help, please contact me for a free phone consultation at (626) 808-5463 or write to me at hollyaevansmft@gmail.com

A Note on Taking Care of You

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When you're going through a stressful time, it takes a lot of work to try to “hold it all together”. Working so hard to push your emotions down to get through the day, or putting on a good face can be exhausting—and you may end up finding it difficult to take care of yourself in the most basic ways. During a crisis, a major life change, or while struggling with your mood and anxiety, your basic physical, social and emotional needs can easily slide to the bottom of your list of priorities.

For many people, the notion of self care can sound foreign, unnecessary, or even selfish. It can seem easier to keep pushing yourself through, but this can often prolong your problems. Whether you're a postpartum mom swept up in the moment to moment care of your family or someone struggling with anxiety or depression, tending to your own emotional and physical well-being can be a daunting, but very important task.

There is a very strong connection between emotional well-being and basic self care. At the most basic level, self care includes how well you sleep, your diet and exercise, and rest and relaxation. Other important types of self care focus on taking care of important relationships and your emotional well-being. Taking good care of yourself also helps build resilience, so that you can weather difficulties, and maintain a healthy relationship with yourself and others. What self care looks like is different for everyone—ranging from eating well to joining a support group, avoiding alcohol or setting a boundary by saying no. Here are some things to think about:

Keep It Simple

Just a small boost can get you moving in a better direction. If you're going through a challenging time, your mental, emotional and physical energy can easily become depleted. Symptoms of depression, anxiety and PTSD can make it difficult just to get out of bed. Deciding to make big changes or set ambitious goals for yourself are not likely to be successful-or helpful. But by paying attention to the physical and emotional signals that your body and mind are sending you, you can identify small steps that can help you make a little bit of time and space for yourself. When life feels overwhelming, focusing on the simplest ways of nurturing yourself is more likely help you find relief.

Think Beyond Physical Self Care

When you're busy just trying to get through the day, it can seem difficult to find the time and energy to do even the simplest things that might help you feel better. Depression, anxiety and PTSD commonly lead to difficulties in maintaining important relationships, and can make it difficult to meet the day to day demands of life(physically and emotionally). Asking for support(professional or from friends/family), deliberately checking in with a friend, or learning healthy coping skills can keep you connected to the important people in your life and the things you enjoy.

Saying No

Saying no doesn't come easily to everyone. If this is true for you, you may find yourself trying to make sure you don't let anyone down, even when it means sacrificing your own well-being. Asking yourself if you need to start saying no, let go of a few commitments or adjust your expectations of yourself is a good place to begin. And if saying no brings up feelings of guilt, self doubt or anxiety, then this might be a good time to take a look at how this issue is really impacting you.


If you’re going through a stressful time and finding it difficult cope on your own, help is available. To learn more about how therapy can help you overcome anxiety, depression and trauma/PTSD, please give me a call at (626) 808-5463 or email me at hollyaevansmft@gmail.com.  I look forward to talking to you- Holly


Postpartum Depression and Anxiety: Recognizing When You Need Support

Having a baby is to supposed to be one of the happiest times of your life. But what if it isn't?

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If you've recently had a baby and aren't feeling like yourself, you're not alone. As many as 15 to 20% of new moms experience changes in mood that make taking care themselves and their new babies a struggle. Bringing a new baby home-whether it's your first or your third child-will naturally create some upheaval and stress, even in the best of circumstances. But if you're noticing significant changes in your mood past the first several weeks postpartum, it could be more than the “baby blues”.

Postpartum depression and anxiety is experienced differently for every woman, but here are some good things to know:

You're Not Alone: Postpartum Depression and Anxiety is Common

One of the things I make sure new moms know is that postpartum depression and anxiety is one of the most common complications of delivering a baby. They're often surprised and relieved, because they feel so alone in their experience. It can seem like every new mom is so together, handling new motherhood with confidence and joy. But appearances can be deceiving, as many women struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety are really good at masking what they're going through.

Postpartum Depression and Anxiety Don't Discriminate

Any woman can be susceptible to postpartum depression and anxiety, regardless of age, income, ethnicity, how much support you have in your life, or how well your pregnancy and delivery went. According to the American Psychological Association, for half of women diagnosed with postpartum depression, it's their first depressive episode. It's common to hear new moms say that it doesn't make sense that they're experiencing problems with mood and anxiety when things in their lives are going well. This confusion can fuel guilt and cause women to stay quiet about what they're going through, ultimately preventing them from getting help.

Having Postpartum Depression Doesn't Mean You're a Bad Mom

Depression and anxiety can make just getting through the day exhausting-emotionally and physically. Many women feel wracked with guilt when they have thoughts and feelings about their babies and motherhood that aren't happy ones. Postpartum depression is treatable, and with support you can feel better. Reaching out for help from family and friends, support groups, or seeking therapy is important. Postpartum depression doesn't usually just go away on it's own. Understanding what you're going through and that it isn't your fault is an important part of finding your way back to feeling more like yourself and living a healthy, happy life with your new baby.

If you or a mom in your life is struggling with the adjustment to motherhood, getting informed is a good first step to take.  To learn more, here are some good resources:

Postpartum Support International

www.postpartum.net

American Psychological Association

http://www.apa.org/pi/women/resources/reports/postpartum-depression.aspx

Postpartum Depression and Anxiety are treatable. Opening up a conversation about how you're feeling can be difficult, but remaining silent or trying keep up the appearance that everything is okay usually just prolongs the problem. The sooner you get help, the more quickly you'll find relief and get back to feeling more like yourself. If you'd like to learn more about how I can help, please contact me for a free phone consultation at (626) 808-5463 or hollyaevansmft@gmail.com