You thought you’d already worked through all the messy parts of your life. But the way our childhood experiences shape us can be felt long after we’ve grown up and become parents ourselves. Childhood trauma can come from experiencing abuse, neglect or exposure to violence, but also from other adverse childhood experiences that are hard to point to as traumatic-like living in chaotic or unpredictable home, emotional invalidation, or growing up feeling unwanted or chronically misunderstood. Maybe you were raised by parents who struggled with their own unresolved trauma, unknowingly continuing the cycle of intergenerational trauma.

It’s common for childhood trauma to resurface when you become a parent.

Everyday parenting moments can easily become trauma triggers. Childhood memories that you never questioned may suddenly take on new meaning. Long standing issues in your relationships with your own parents might become even more troublesome. You may be struggling with anxiety, depression, difficulty trusting others. Feeling constantly on edge, waiting for the next bad thing to happen or shut down, disconnected.

Maybe you notice your perfectionism intensifying, like you’re never quite good enough.

You feel broken in some way. And it’s exhausting.

Now that it’s your turn to provide comfort and safety to your child, those old hurts -and the negative beliefs they helped to create-are difficult to shake.